Through the Cupboard?
by Mufflebit
Summary: If you're looking for something serious to read, look away. This is pure and utter randomness and silliness. Four girls enter Narnia, and terrorize the White Witch. Chatspeak girl will also attack later on, with MarySue, her perfect accomplice.
1. Entering Narnia through a cupboard?

So, I got really bored one day and just started writing and...out came this! I will update Once Upon a Depression soon--just be patient, 'kay? I have to persuade my muse to come out and humor me, and perhaps Fig, my Figment of Imagination (I was that in a 4th grade play...just a bit of trivia ;) ) will poke her head out too. We'll have to see. So anyway, on to the story!

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**Through the...Cupboard?**

Rain splattered the windows and drummed steadily on the roof. Four girls sat in the library of a large house and stared glumly around the room.

"I'm _bored_," one of the girls, Licia grumbled, as she flipped through a dictionary.

"Well, you are reading a dictionary," Bobbie-Jo, or BJ, called over from a couch, "That's one of your problems. And you're also hanging upside-down off a chair."

"Shut up, BJ," Tamara grunted. "Dictionaries rock."

"That's because you have no life, Tam," Annemarie tossed a flattened pillow at her.

"Lives are for suckers," BJ butted in and tossed a small book at Licia, who seemed to have fallen asleep.

"Oh, bug off, BJ," Licia swatted at the book which had already landed a foot to her left.

"Hey, do you guys want to play a game?" Tamara asked after a moment of silence.

"No."

"I do, so shut up, BJ." Licia glared at the red-head. BJ stuck out her tongue at the girl with light brown hair, who in turn beaned her in the head with a pillow.

"Will you two knock it off?" Annemarie, the small blonde ducked as a cushion came flying her way. "Watch it! You might knock something over!"  
"What do you care? It's not your house. Besides, there're only books in here." BJ yawned.

"I want to play tag," the dark blonde-haired Tamara said spontaneously.

"You loser, it's raining outside."

"You can be real mean sometimes, BJ." Annemarie sniffed.

"What about hide and seek?" Tamara suggested.

BJ snorted. "Kid's game."

"You're a downright boring old grump, Bobbie-Jo, especially on rainy-days." Tamara looked around the room. "All for hide and seek say 'aye'!" There was a three-way chorus of aye's. "All opposed?"

"Nay," BJ sighed.

"Overruled!" Tamara yelled. "Nose game!" Tamara, Annemarie and Licia all slammed their palms to their noses. There was a distressed "Ow…" from Licia.

"You're it, BJ! Start counting, and don't stop till you're at fifty. Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, cap'n," BJ said sarcastically before turning over onto her stomach. "One, two, three, four, five…" she began counting, the couch cushions muffling the numbers.

"Woohoo!" Tamara shouted as she bolted out of the library. Licia slid off the chair backwards and let out a muttered, "Dang!" as she landed on her neck. Annemarie slid out of the room quietly.

"…eight, nine, ten, eleven, oh! Shoot, I have to baby-sit later. Oh, where was I? Erm, ten, eleven, twelve…"

Tamara skidded to a stop outside of a bedroom and snuck inside. She looked around hurriedly before ducking into a closet and submerging herself behind all the hanging clothes. She held her breath and waited.

Annemarie groped her way under a couch and coughed in the layer of dust, swatting away a dust bunny in disgust. She heard footsteps hurry past and poked her head out to see Licia looking desperately for a hiding spot. Spotting a cupboard in the kitchen, she nearly tore the door off before slithering into the small, yet empty cabinet.

"…48, 49, fifty. Ready or not, here I come!" BJ jumped off the couch and searched the library thoroughly before moving on to the next room. After five minutes, she yelled "Aha! Look who's been found!" and Tamara grumbled as she climbed out of the closet. BJ finished her search of the upstairs after a few false alarms, which turned out to be the cats and, once, a mouse.

Tamara followed BJ down the stairs and into the main hall as the search continued. They passed through the dining room, another bedroom, two bathrooms, and the laundry room without finding a hint of their friends.

"I hope you two are scared, 'cause I'm getting close!" BJ called, hoping to hear a muffled giggle from her friends or a breath being caught. Nothing.

They trooped into the living room and BJ stooped down to look under the couch. "Found ya, Annemarie!"

She grumbled and pulled herself out from under the couch, brushing dust from herself.

"Only one more now!" BJ called, deciding that she liked Hide and Seek, since she was so good at it. Much different from her frame of mind earlier that afternoon.

"Liciaaaa, where aaaaare youuuuuu…" BJ poked around the room but, to no avail. Alas, there seemed to be no hope of finding their friend, until…

There was a loud THUNK in the kitchen as something heavy rolled out of a cupboard and landed on the floor. The three girls ran to the kitchen to find Licia sprawled on the floor, looking shocked and out of breath.

"Um…Lish, I don't really think you really understand the concept of this game." Annemarie looked at her friend doubtfully.

"No! In—in _there_!" She pointed towards the cabinet and turned extremely pale.

"Lish, it's a _cabinet_. Of course it's dark and small and probably smells funny, but—"

"No, Tam! There's a forest! A bloody forest!"

BJ rolled her eyes. "Have you been eating beans again?"

"Ye—no. Honest, B! It's really in there!"

"Well, let's take a look then, shall we?" Tamara squatted down and crawled into the cupboard. The other three waited behind.

Tamara stuck her head out. "By gum! Come in! Y'gotta see this!" She disappeared again and BJ sighed.

"You both have gotten into the beans, haven't you? And since when does _anyone_ say 'by gum'?"

Of course, she was ignored as Annemarie crawled into the cabinet followed by Licia, so of course, BJ had no choice but to follow.

At first, it seemed like a normal cabinet. But then instead of feeling wood underneath her hands and knees, BJ felt something cold and crunchy and…wet? She was trying to figure out what it was, when something poked her in the eye. She clutched her left eye in frustration.

"Bloody hell! What—" She stopped as she reached out and felt a…a _branch_. And before she knew it, she was blinking in bright sunlight and looking around her in awe.

A forest. In the cabinet. "Whoa," was all she managed.

"I told you!" Licia yelled, chucking a snowball at BJ's head. "I told you I'd found a forest in the cupboard, but you didn't believe me! And here it is!" She let out a whoop and went cartwheeling through the snow.

Annemarie joined BJ at her side. "I don't believe this," she murmured. "It doesn't make any sense at all."

"Who said it had to make sense?" Tamara called over, throwing two snowballs at once. "It's too cool to make any sense!"

"I just don't _get _it," BJ said, looking around, still in awe. "This is a kitchen cupboard. Not a bloody wood."

"It is now," Annemarie sighed, before joining in the snowball fight.

BJ shrugged and picked up a handful of snow and whipped it at Tamara's head. It hit her square on the forehead and she stumbled backwards in surprise, tripping over a root in the process.

"Hey, wait a minute! This isn't a tree!" Tamara yelled, pushing herself up off the ground. "It's a—"

"A lamppost!" Licia gasped.

Tamara, Licia and Annemarie gazed at the lamppost in wonder. BJ, on the other hand, stared at her friends in consternation.

"Am I the only sane person here who finds it strange that there's a lamppost in the middle of a forest which just happens to be inside a cupboard?"

"Yes," Licia said, not looking away from the lamppost. Her eyes were sparkling as she marveled at the lamppost, and it was thoroughly freaking BJ out. So she smacked her friend upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You were frightening me."

"I do that everyday."

"Oh, yeah. Well…you're looking extremely ugly today. This light does nothing for your complexion."

"Oh, okay." Licia looked around, then, "Hey, I'm hungry."

Tamara's stomach made a noise that sounded like glaciers splitting apart. "I'm a little hungry."

"Just a little?"

"Yes."

"How about we—" Annemarie started, but was immediately stopped by Licia.

"Shh—do you hear that?"

"What?"

"_That_. It sounds like…bells."

They all could hear it now, and it was coming closer and closer and closer and—

Suddenly a huge, white sleigh pulled by two white reindeer (I'm going by what the book said) came into view, and there was a short, ugly man driving it. The four girls gaped as the sleigh stopped and a tall woman stepped out from the back. She was draped in white furs and wore a snow-white dress that dragged on the ground because it was so long, even though she herself was exceptionally tall. A large crown adorned her head and she held a long wand that appeared to be made of ice. Her skin was deathly pale, and her hair was as white as her clothes and ran halfway down her back, which was very far from the ground since she was so tall, and, did I mention that she was extremely tall?

The (very tall) woman looked down at the four girls. "Welcome to Narnia, Daughters of Eve. I am Jadis, Queen of Narnia."

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-gasp- So they meet Jadis! What will happen next? Review, and you shall find out!


	2. Meeting Jadis!

Annnnnnd, here we go--chapter 2! Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: Only the four random girls wandering around are mine. Everything else is the property of C. S. Lewis...Oh, and the song is "Just a Gigolo" by Louis Prima. Also not mine!

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The four girls blinked at Jadis. They were silent until…

"Dude, that is one sick hot name!" Tamara exclaimed.

Jadis turned her cold eyes to Tamara and cocked her head slightly. "Sick…hot? Dear child, I am not sure what you mean by that. It is very cold here. Perhaps you are becoming delusional from the cold? Please, do join my on my sleigh."

She glided over to the sleigh and beckoned to the girls who all clambered up after her. She draped her, in Licia's words, "ginormous bear pelt" around the girls.

"Now, do tell me how you got here, Daughters of Eve."

The four looked at each other questioningly. "Eve? We don't know anyone named Eve—"

"Don't be silly, Annie! I bet she means Eve Longrove." Tamara looked at her friends knowingly.

"But we aren't her _daughters_. And even if we were, if would be really disturbing. She's only a year older than us." Annemarie pointed out, the ever-practical one.

"Maybe she means—" Tam started.

"_Silence_!" the Witch snarled. The girls looked startled and shocked but Jadis quickly composed herself, putting on a sweet smile. Her voice dripped poisoned honey.

"You children are human?"

They nodded.

"How did you come to enter my domain?"

"Your domain?" BJ asked. She snorted. "You don't look like much of the queen material to me. You aren't wearing a golden crown or beautiful clothes, and you aren't beautiful yourself, either."

Jadis fumed silently, making a mental note to turn the shrimpy, fire-haired human to stone later. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, counting to ten, remembering what _The Stress-Free Guide to Ruling a Country That You Stole_ said in chapter 18. Then she opened them and smiled at the girls. "How about something to drink?"

The three girls smiled brightly. Licia spoke up first. "I want a chocolate milkshake."

"Capri-Sun for me. Pacific Cooler." Tamara, of course.

"I'll have some chamomile tea with a hint of mint and a lemon wedge. No milk, two sugars." That from Annemarie.

Jadis blinked at the three girls. A Cap Reesun? Bacific Cooler? Milkshake? And—wait a minute! Jadis did a double take. "Where's the fourth!" she cried.

"BJ? Oh, who knows. Who cares! She's a flat tire anyway. She was a real wet blanket today at the house. We'll have a lot more fun without her! Now, where's my Capri-Sun? Can I get some Oreos with that?" Tamara looked at the Witch with shining eyes.

"Oree-oh? What—never mind! Where's that scrawny firehead that was with you before?"

Licia and Annemarie shrugged.

"Tell me now humans, or you shall _die_!" Jadis shrieked, reaching for her wand.

But, she grabbed…thin air!

Jadis whirled around and nearly swooned as she saw BJ using her uber-awesome-magical-sparkly-shiny wand to dig a hole in the frozen ground. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOLISH IGNORANT HUMAN!"

BJ looked up. "Jeez, lady, you sure do a lot of screaming. Get a grip, will you?"

Jadis snatched her wand from the girl. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING WITH THIS!"

"I was trying to dig a hole to China, duh. What else am I going to do in this freakin' boring world?"

"THIS IS NOT A SHOVEL, YOU MORONIC IMBECILE!" Jadis screamed, waving the wand at BJ threateningly.

BJ snorted. "What are you going to do to me? Turn me into stone?"

Jadis gave her a cold, hard look and raised her wand high…

"Wait!" Annemarie cried from behind her.

Jadis sighed impatiently and turned around. "What is it _now_, human?"

Annemarie gestured to the dwarf, Ginarrbrick. He was standing next to the sleigh, looking very solemn, holding his flimsy hat in both hands.

The Witch rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Ginarrbrick?"

The black dwarf cleared his throat and opened his mouth. And out came a Louis Prima song…

"I'm just a gigolo  
And everywhere I go

people know the part I'm playing

Paid for every dance  
Selling each romance  
Oh what their saying

There will come a day  
And youth will pass away  
What, what will they say about me

When the end comes I know  
They'll say just a gigolo  
Life goes on without me

I'm just a gigolo  
Everywhere I go people know  
the part I'm playing

Paid for every dance  
Starting each romance  
Oh what their saying

And there will come a day  
And youth will pass away  
What will they say about me

When the end comes I know  
They'll say just a gigolo  
Life goes on without me

Cause I ain't got nobody  
Oh and there's nobody cares for me  
There's nobody cares for me

I'm so sad and lonely  
Sad and lonely, sad and—"

"SHUT UP!" Jadis screamed. "Are you running some sort of conspiracy? Cursed dwarf! Get in that sleigh and drive those reindeer home before I turn you to stone!"

"B-but Jadis, I-I love you!" Ginarrbrick cried.

"Shut up!" she yelled again. "You're too short! Now get in the sleigh and drive it!" The dwarf obeyed, looking extremely dejected.

"Now," Jadis said coolly. "You four—" she pointed to the girls "get into the sleigh. Now. I'll deal with _you_ later," she warned BJ.

The four girls piled into the sleigh at Jadis's feet. They heard the crack of a whip and the sleigh lurched forward and they were on their way.

They had been traveling for at least fifteen minutes when Licia sighed loudly. "Cripes. I'm _bored_! Ow! Hey, watch it, lady!" she added as Jadis gave her a sharp jab in the back.

"Sing-a-long!" Tamara cried. "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaaaaaaaaaaay…"

"Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, HEY!" The other three joined in, only to be jabbed by Jadis in turn.

"Shut up, you twerps! Oh, I can't stand humans! They smell and are too loud!"

And thus continued the ride to Jadis's castle, with many outbursts from the humans and even more jabs and complaints from the White Witch.

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Hope you liked it! Now, just press that purply button down there... 


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